I wanted to love this. The trailer promised a chrome-plated opera of ambition — robots with feelings, cities in the clouds, a synth score that could power a small nation. What I got was two hours and forty-one minutes of expensive screensaver.
“Somewhere inside this movie is a 95-minute masterpiece, screaming to be let out. Nobody heard it over the explosions.”
There are flashes. One shot of the robot foundry at dawn is legitimately gorgeous. But a movie can’t coast on production design any more than a restaurant can coast on nice plates.
Matt “wanted to love this.” I did not. I’ve seen the director’s last three films and I came in the way you approach a fourth date with someone who’s shown you exactly who they are. Chrome Dynasty did not surprise me. That’s the nicest thing I’ll say about it.
“They spent $250 million and the most convincing special effect is the audience pretending the runtime is fine.”
The script has four writers and zero ideas, which is somehow both a math problem and a metaphor. Save your money. Watch the foundry shot on YouTube. You’re welcome.